The State of Atlanta Sports Address

Thomas Mott
February 05, 2020 - 12:17 am
Atlanta, GA

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Categories: 

So tonight was the State of the Union Address in Washington, DC. You know the State of the Union right? The once a year meeting where everyone in Congress has to sit in a room together and listen to a speech by the President.

Now don’t worry, we are not talking any politics ever on this show but I’m going somewhere fun with this.

The point of the State of the Union is to give an update on how the country is going but it always has a positive spin, whether the President is Democrat or a Republican.

So tonight, in honor of the State of the Union. I thought we’d do a “State of Atlanta Sports” and give a speech about each team as if that team was updating us on the state of their franchise.

Disclaimer: there will be a big, positive spin for each team.

Atlanta United: We’ve had an incredible offseason here with United. Last year we came up short and quite frankly had to make some key changes. However, Frank de Boer's second term as Manager of this incredible franchise will only be better and better. Out with the old, in with new faces. Trust us, you’re going to love these guys. We might have had an off year in 2019 but I am convinced that now, more than ever, Atlanta United is poised to re-enter the world soccer stage and dominate as we once did.

Hawks: We understand that this season has not gone as we promised it would go at the last State of the Hawks address. We have failed in every asset to place a winning squad on the floor at State Farm Arena. Which is why today, we have already engaged in trade talks with the rest of the NBA to provide additional support to our players in Hawk’s uniforms who have fought so tirelessly for our squad yet to no avail. I believe that with the right trade partners and trade deals, we can rejuvenate the Hawk’s defense and help jumpstart our goal to make the playoffs by the decades end.

Falcons: We here at the Falcons have heard the cries of our people and have decided to eradicate our depth chart of the underachieving pass rusher Vic Beasley. By keeping stability at the top of our organization we have the ability to make small changes throughout our team that will ensure a successful and bright future. Not only are we trimming non-productive players, we are also gearing up to increase our spending and use our new wealth to upgrade our arsenal with fresh defensive and offensive talent.

Braves: As many of you know, over the recent months, we here at the Braves decided to pull out of a very bad deal for our team. 3rd baseman Josh Donaldson was asking too much for his services and instead of forcing your tax-payer dollars to resign him to a non-team friendly deal, we let him leave for a lesser franchise. However, despite this grave news, I assure you that the Braves have worked tirelessly to acquire better deals that will ensure the success and future of our organization.